Get Delivered From People!!!

I use to always try to help folks, even if it meant putting myself in a bind to do so.  I would always want people to feel comfortable around me and always love for me to be around.  They would say, "April's cool, or she will do anything for you"!  Wow, now wouldnt someone saying something like that about you kind of make you feel good about yourself!?  Wouldnt something like that make you want to continue to make people think "highly" of you!?  Sure it would;-)!  Well, let me be the frist to admit it, "Yes, I "use to be" that person", a Yes Person!!!  And it ran the gammant, everybody from family and friends to co-workers.  I wanted folks to speak highly of me and tell others how "great" a chick I was or how great a mother I am, a wife, a friend, co-worker, etc.  However there was one thing that was so wrong with that.....I wasnt enjoying one moment of it!  Now dont get me wrong, I truly enjoy helping people, I thankful for the fact that I can be there for folks intimes of need (and hopefully thats vice versa:-) but I learned that if you're not going to do it with a  glad  and willing heart....and mean it, then you might as well not do it at all.  You wind up resenting the people you were helping and you're defeating the whole purpose of "helping". So I started to ask God to show me people, their motives, because what I had created was an "if all else fails, call April" type of relatiopnship with some individuals and it wasn't entirley all their fault, I contributed to alot of this.  I realized when I was doing all these things, "my motives" were wrong as well.  What Is Your Motive became my anthem for people, as well as for myself.  So God began to show me the hearts and thoughts of alot of people and this was somewhat hurtful because these were individuals that I had truly cared for or had garnered alot of respect but he needed me to see people for what "we" truly are, "Flawed"!   
Well, to make a long story short, well, kinda (short-lol), I began to say no to people.  Wow, this was the most liberating thing I had ever done.  And not just saying "no" to say it but if my my priorities came before someone else's I would tell people that because before I would try to help them out and my agenda and/or priorities got pushed back which always left me holding the short end of the stick.  But I digress....as long as what I was doing garnered me "praise" then it was all good, right....WRONG! 

When I started, confidently, telling people no, I started to get some negative reactions or I'd even get an occasional guilt trip thrown on me but at this stage in the game, I was like, "yeah, I understand but my family and priorities come first".  What I began to realize is that I didnt need anyone's approval of me, I was already comfortable in my skin, I just hadnt connected to that.  So here I am now, no lie, about 5 years "Sober" (lol!) from being drunk on "PRAISE FROM FOLKS" and "I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT"!  It's an awesome feeling when you can speak truth to people or even share some great news or experiences that have taken place in your life and not be worried about what folks are gonna say or how their gonna judge you .  Now, I really hope that many dont take this the wrong way, I will help anybody but not at the expense of "Self"! 

I've been set free from worrying about what the world (friends, family, husbands, heck even my kids) thinks of me and perhaps my family, my kids, clothes, vacations, where my kids go to school, where I shop, how I was able to stay home (not work for awhile), etc., etc.!  I will tell anybody, the best freedom in this world is being able to know who you are and "Who's" you are and when those two things become clear to you you dont worry about folks, you dont feel the need to compete with people, and everytime you (sniff-sniff) smell drama, you go the other way because life is just waaaaay too short to deal with folks who are constantly judging you or judging what you do for them!  There was one point in my life where I wouldnt even share info on my life, for example, where I was going or where i purchsed something, family photos, I wouldnt tell people what I planned for a vacation because of fear that folks would say, "how, why, where" are yall able to do that or go there or buy that!  How crazy is that!?!?  Well, the devil is a LIAR and the truth he is far from because as many of you who know me can attest to the fact that I no longer live that lie-lol!  For whatever reasons people have become accustomed to and very comfortable I might add with judging and talking about one another so there's absolutely nothing I or anybody else can do to make them not do the same to me, so I basiclly "LIVE" and share my life with those in my life (hoping you do the same with me).

The most important thing I've realized in my whole "deliverance" from folks (people) is that you can either love me and be in my life or you "cannot", meaning you dont have to.  The crazy thing about this, is that I'm ok if you decide the latter one (not being in my life)!  One thing about me is that I love hard!  When I find a true and honest and loving friend, you're my friend for "life" or death, whichever comes first!  I dont take my friendships or any relationships for that matter lightly...at all!  But what I do do (lol) is let you go when our season is up!  My husband tells me all the time that I have the gift of "so long, it's been real"!  And he'll ask, "when was the last time you talked to so and so?" and I may say, Oh, I havent talked to her/him/them in a minute but I sure do miss em'.  And he would reply, "ah, that's crazy, if you miss em', then why dont you get in touch with them?"  Bless his little dont get it heart-lol.  What my husband fails to realize is that the season was up in that relationship and I'm okay with that.  Wow, that just feels good to say outloud.  I'm good with how certain relaionships may have ended because I know me and that person(s) hopefully still love, care and respect one another, we just no longer have alot in common.  Our lives probably progressed in totally different directions, therefore the season was up (Deliverance;-).

Now that's having complete confidence and faith in God that people dont make you, he does!  There is no amount of praise or pats on the back that will make me be in any type of relationship where my self worth was tied to what someone else thought of me, Hallelujuah(?) !!!!! Not even my husband can praise me or pat me on the back for something I do then I get caught up in that attention so much that I continue to do it even when it inconviences me, "No Ma'am"!  See, I learned awhile back that Love is not what it says, "you're so great, you're so sweet, you're so smart, you cook amazing meals, ouh, you clean so good, etc. but it's what it does.......and if you can love and respect me, even after I say no to you or disagree with you, or even tell you some exciting and great news about something in my life and I expect you to not only be "happy" for me but be happpy with me, then that's "love", with no conditions (Deliverance).

So folks, I'm saying all of this to say this one thing, "GET DELIVERED FROM PEOPLE"!  Folks dont have a heaven or hell to place you in, so no matter what folks say about you, or "Dont say", it's okay, you'll live another day, make new friends, get invited to another party and even love again, I promise, I've been there and where I use to be has absolutely NOTHING on where I am now!  God has broken the chains of "I need approval in order to be worthy" and I'm passing the blessing on to others

Be Blessed yall and 'Get Set Free';-)!

April